Sometime in the early days of my first real job in the fast-paced and glamorous world of the kitchen at a fast food chain, I received a burn from one of the many oil vats used in such places. I almost immediately learned two things about this occurence: one, that it’s a strange badge of honor for the grizzled and usually hoary veterans in those establishments; and two, that my colleagues all had an immediate and agreed-upon solution for my suffering. “Put mustard on it,” they all said, and in my 16-year-old wisdom, I had no reason to dispute this, so I did it. And it worked. The burn didn’t hurt or swell nearly as much as it might have otherwise. I would still have a mark for a while, but not nearly as bad as it could have been, they told me.
I would later learn that it wasn’t that mustard contained special powers, but that it happened to contain something called allyl isothiocyanate, which, as it turns out, is a very strong counter irritant. So, as one does, I became an ardent mustard evangelist and spent years after that following people around expounding upon the wonders of mustard and its healing power. No, I didn’t go so far as to carry it around with me a la Gus Portokalos and his Windex, but my condiment enthusiasm remained strong for a while.
But I’m hardly the first to stumble upon some quirky remedy for a burn, cramp, cut, or any other ailment. And really there’s probably nowhere better than baseball to find stories of cures of the mustard variety. Notably, the Cubs training staff recently took to a snack food to keep Jason Hammel healthy, so in light of that, here’s a look at Hammel and a few other quirky health fixes over the years.
Jason Hammel and the Potato Chips
No, not a horribly named high school cover band, but an attempt to keep Hammel from cramping during his starts. His woes in the second half of 2014 and 2015 have possibly left him and the Cubs staff open to try nearly anything, but Hammel seems to think thus far that it’s working, “I focused on that over the break. I ate a lot of potato chips. Think it turned out pretty well. Potato chip prescription. PCP—that’s what I’m gonna try and go with.”
Hammel apparently even ate chips between innings in his start on July 16 against the Rangers, in which he gave up just one run in 6 innings and struck out 7, so perhaps we should all invest in a few bags of Utz and chow down in good health.
Hot Springs and “alcoholic microbes”
In the nascent years of professional baseball, most teams were clustered in the north and northeast, so preparing for a season that starts in April in February and March meant going inside gyms wherever teams could find them. But, in 1886, Al Spalding decided to take his Chicago White Stockings to Hot Springs, Arkansas to ready themselves for that season. His reason? Gotta “boil out the alcoholic microbes” from his players’ bodies. Apparently baseball players drank heavily during the offseason in those days, and Spalding wanted something to flush the system.
Spalding also liked Arkansas because it meant his players could train in warmer weather and get their legs ready for a long season by climbing the local mountains. This actually makes some sense, given that even that early in professional baseball, the regular season was already at over 120 games.Whether or not the hot springs actually worked is probably a question mark, but the 1886 White Stockings went went 90-34 and made it to the World Series (they lost), so perhaps there’s something to it.
Toughen that grip with urea
We’re probably well familiar with this story, but may not have known when we first heard that Moises Alou and others used to urinate on their own hands to keep the skin from cracking that it does actually sort of work. Players like Alou and Jorge Posada were doing it years ago, and even more recently, Evan Gattis said he’s been letting it fly onto his hands in an attempt to improve his grip on the bat. Kerry Wood used this method in an attempt to help his blisters, and maybe there’s something to it, but whether it works or not, maybe don’t shake the hand of a player who hits without batting gloves next time.
LSD for a no-hitter?
A far cry from potato chips and admittedly not something he did to improve his performance but rather because he thought he had the day off, but Doc Ellis said he threw his June 12, 1970 no-hitter for the Pittsburgh Pirates after having used LSD that day. It wasn’t until April 1984 that he issued a statement with this story, so there’s room to doubt its veracity.
For what it’s worth, Ellis walked eight Padres in that start, but still managed six strikeouts, so maybe he was off his game for one reason or another. Whether he had used LSD that day or had just had some vodka prior to the game as he originally said, I am skeptical about this as a recommended pregame ritual.
Scare ‘em with your teeth
At 5’11” and 165 pounds, it can be understood why Clarence Blethen would have chosen something like having his teeth removed in order to looking more menacing. At least, that was his explanation for his toothless visage. The pitcher had a brief career in the majors in the 1920s, and famously had to be removed from a game in 1923 because he slid on his false teeth (they were said to have been in his back pocket at the time) and needed to come out because of excessive bleeding.
It’s also possible that he had the teeth removed because of his tobacco use (his nickname was “Climax” because of his favorite brand of dip), but judging by his career numbers, perhaps he should have tried something besides a smile that’s all gums.
Blisters? Cramps? How about a pickle?
Maybe Kerry Wood should have tried this instead, but it’s an old method for dealing with blisters on one’s pitching hand: dip it in pickle juice. Nolan Ryan was said to have done this in between starts, and whatever he was doing, it might be worth consideration. Even more recently, pitchers like Drew Smyly have copped to trying this method, so it’s staying in fashion for now.
Like mustard, pickle juice appears to have other healing properties, and because of that its use has extended beyond just the world of baseball. As my grandfather used to say, “Who needs a medicine cabinet when you have the kitchen pantry?”
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Now, there are limits. As an 11 year old, I took a grounder to the giblets while playing shortstop in Little League, and my coach’s fix for that was to squat down and “let ‘em hang,” which turned out to be the exact opposite of what the doctor would recommend. (Note: I switched to center field after that.) As it turns out, no matter the level, some people in baseball have no idea what the heck they’re talking about.
Some fixes for baseball’s maladies seem a little strange, like potato chips and urine, but they work, and some things seem a little strange because they just are. But it’s baseball, and it’s nothing if not a little strange. So for as advanced as baseball treatments are getting, like tracking a hitter’s thought process as they choose whether or not to swing at a pitch, or keeping tabs on players even off the field, some of the simple remedies still have something to offer.
Lead photo courtesy GEoff Burke—USA Today Sports.