Okay @cubs, I’ve written your next tweet for you…
I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP. I will get a hit with RISP.
And as long as I’ve got your attention, I humbly submit this one as well:
No hits and all Ks make Happ a dull boy.
No hits and all Ks make Happ a dull boy.
No hits and all Ks make Happ a dull boy.
No hits and all Ks make Happ a dull boy.
No hits and all Ks make Happ a dull boy.
No hits and all Ks make Happ a dull boy.
No hits and all Ks make Happ a dull boy.
No hits and all Ks make Happ a dull boy.
You’re welcome.
What You Need to Know: Adam Wainwright kinda sucks now. Sucks to the tune of a 5.06 ERA, 5.34 FIP, and 1.50 WHIP. And I’m putting “Adam Wainwright sucks” in the What You Need to Know category because you know who needs to know this?
The Cubs offense.
Wainwright was in and out of trouble for almost the entirety of his five innings but kept emerging mostly unscathed thanks to leading with his slow curveball and only using his decidedly unimpressive fastball to strike Cub hitters out when they tried to adjust to the curve.
Meanwhile, it’s time for Len & JD to start calling Tyler Chatwood “Dr. Strangelove.” Because every at bat feels like it should end with Peter Sellers yelling “I can walk!” Tonight, he left the mound with the bizarre line of 4.2 IP 1 H 2 R and…7 walks.
As long as I’m making suggestions, someone tell Gary Pressy to start playing Chatwood off with “We’ll Meet Again.”
Next Level: You might have heard that it was cold tonight. So cold that a ball stuck to Yadi’s chest protector because it was trying to re-enact the flagpole scene from A Christmas Story.
This was really an unfortunate game for Ben Zobrist to be scratched with back stiffness. We don’t know if this is a day-to-day thing or just a problem with the Iditarod-like weather this evening. The only thing we can conclude for sure is that he didn’t strain it trying to lift a catalogue of walk-up music options.
Quite simply put, at the present time there are too many offensive black holes in the lineup the Cubs trotted out to have any hope of a sustained offensive attack.
Ian Happ began the game by striking out on three pitches. Only because it was impossible to do it in two. At least he walked once.
Addison Russell was slashing .095/.208/.143 in his previous 24 plate appearances, and didn’t improve on that much tonight.
Jason Heyward has apparently decided that his spray chart is going to consist entirely of the ten feet in front of the warning track and a straight line between the batter’s box and the second baseman.
Add in the pitcher’s spot and that’s four very easy batters to retire at the moment. Which means that the Cubs are in a position where they must capitalize when the middle of the order has a chance to drive in runs or put all their hitters in ski masks in the hope that it will be harder to figure out they’re secretly sending Javy Baez up to bat every inning.
Top Play (WPA): In their attempt to negate the above section, Russell reached second base on a high chopper off the plate and a Wainwright throwing error in the bottom of the fourth. Heyward then grounded a 3-1 fastball to the hole between Matt Carpenter and Jose Martinez. Every day Carpenter honors Stan Musial by displaying the range of Stan the Man’s statue outside Busch Stadium. The ball rolled into right field and the Cubs cut the deficit to 2-1. (+.098)
Bottom Play (WPA): Chatwood again seemed determined to see how many times he could walk the first two hitters in the inning and emerge unscathed. He did it once in the second, but after leadoff BBs to Dexter Fowler and Tommy Pham in the third, Carpenter launched a high liner to deep right field. Heyward made a rather odd decision to pull up on it and the ball eventually landed at the base of the wall, scoring the first run of the game. (-.142)
Still, you have to admit that line drive had a hell of a spin rate.
Up Next: The Cubs look to emerge with a split by sending Jon Lester to the mound, opposed by Luke Weaver. Finally… a pitcher who knows how to neutralize Pham’s base stealing ability.
Lead photo courtesy Matt Marton—USA Today Sports